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Hi Vanessa, I tried to email you, but without success. My 37 year old brother suicided just over a year ago. I found I coped with his loss much better after having a couple of sessions of counselling and by reading a little book "Coping with Grief" by Mal McKissock (available at ABC shops). Of course, I think of my brother every day. Sometimes the grief bubbles up to the surface and the feelings are just as intense as the day he died. Other times I have to put thoughts of him out of my head so I can deal with day-to-day life, and then I feel guilty about doing that. I had never been to counselling before, but I found talking to a professional very helpful. It is possible to train yourself to think in constructive ways, if you are finding that negative thoughts are overwhelming you. One of my sisters saw a counsellor because she was concerned that she hadn't cried since my brother died. The counsellor suggested she sit facing a chair, and then to imagine my brother sitting in it. And then to say goodbye. The idea of that was to face the reality of his death, and to let out the feelings of sadness. Counsellors seem to think it is important to let the feelings out, but I'm not sure why that is. Maybe there is a way of acknowledging your feelings a little at a time, so you can cope with them. I sincerely hope you find a way to cope with your brother's loss. Of course everyone has different ways of coping, and it will take time to reach a stage where you can say you have accepted his death and can be grateful for the time you spent with him in this life.

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my 23year old brother hung himself in october 2002. It is something I will never forget, I still havnt cried over it because I dont want to feel the pain. I havnt talked to anyone that knows the same feeling, so if there is anyone out there that knows what Im going through please drop me a line. I would just like to hear of other peoples way of coping.

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I have had depression/anxiety for many years. Too many to remember. I came through a suicide attempt last year. And although with medication, and, I must admit, good counselling and supportive family/friends, I still think about it, plan it, wonder about it. Luckily these days I have the strength to work through the agony and pain and unhappiness. I know I will have these thoughts again and again, but that little light at the end of the tunnel that shines on my 3 boys, fortunately pulls me through. I am one of the lucky ones, I survived. I thought I was doing the 'right' thing, stopping my pain, freeing the ones you love so much from the pain as well. I wish everyone who has lost someone or who has a mental illness all the best wishes in the world. Thanks for a wonderful site.

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Just wanted to put my sons name in print its been 10 years and i think Im the only one who remembers him! Matthew Thomas Smith 11/11/76 to 2/7/95 Peace my baby boy

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I survived suicide. I have known others who had not been so fortunate. I feel that psychatrists should be replaced by a team of health professionals, such as a social worker, a GP, a psychologist, and a pharmasist,(Government employee).As for my own experience I found that under the public system I became worse rather than better. At times the lack of certain professionals such as social workers led me to living off limited resources such as food. At one point in my treatment I was living on 250 mls of milk per day and half a box of cereal per week. At the same time a Registered Nurse at Logan told me 'not to sweat the small stuff'.If it had not been for my family I would have starved. Moving into the private sector for better treatment ment having to borrow against the house to pay for private health insurrance. Even then I had to wait 12 months because it was a pre-excisting illness. The treatment I finally got beggered belief. I was receiving ECT as a regulated patient without my family's knowledge,( I found after weeks of ECT that my next of kin knew nothing about it). The doctor did not bother to get consent from my next of kin), even though it was a full three to four days before my ECT sessions began. At the same time I was forced to attend CBT sessions. With the ECT I could not remember one CBT session from another. Eventually I fled the hospital on the advice from my family. Thank God I phoned them.This was purely a case of overservicing by the hospital and the doctor in question. You also might be interested in the meds I was prescribed. These were parnate, lithium,protheidan,valium, stillnox,zyprexa,largatil.( I was told much later by a pharmisist that two of these drugs were incompatable). Unbelievable, huh? But it is all documented in my charts. I suffered so many sideaffects that it was worse than the original depression.To make matters worse the zyprexia that I had received in hospital was taken away from me at the time of discharge, because I did not meet the criteria under the PBS system. The withdrawal was horrific. Did I report the side affects? Yes I did. Did the Doctor take any notice? He just said it was part of my illness.Funny I did not have these these symptoms before I went into hospital. During my illness I attended various drop in centres, and stepping stones clubhouse where I met a number of people, a few who are now dead. As a eye witness of the problems in our mental health 'industry', I can fully appreciate the desperate moods of those with mental illnesses. I pray or wish for all the best for those individuals and families who struggle with mental illnesses and suicide. Love to All, LT Eric Ross Fels,RN,(BN).