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My name is Julie, I recently lost my 17yr old daughter to suicide she was beautiful, kind, thoughtful, and friendly. Kylie started to change and became more withdrawn but as the first sign was profuse sweating from her hands, I took her to a doctor thinking her hormones may be out of wack or she may be on the wrong pill. Her sweating did subside but other changes was going on, not long after she complained about smelling, she thought she stunk and did not understand why I could not smell anything, which I truly could not. Kylie also said one pupil was bigger than the other, one rib was different and she was having nightmares, was hearing messages in the music, and had developed a sty that had become infected. I took her back to the Dr’s and told her to write everything down so she does not forget anything and it makes it easier for the doctor to make a diagnosis. She was given a script for anti-biotics for her sty, and another appointment to have a mole removed that she said looks ugly. I must say I did not think this was such a good idea as, if she was already feeling down about herself, I didn’t think the pain of having it removed right now or having stiches to look at, and a scare, would be good for her. I said `but this is not fixing the problems that Kylie is here for and the Dr. said write down your feelings and we will look at that at your next appointment when we take the stiches out. The next appointment came and the stiches were taken out but nothing was done. I Said to Kylie that’s it we have played around enough with this Dr, and took her to another Dr, who gave her some more anti-biotic for the sty, and then asked Kylie how long she has been feeling down and her reply was `about a year’, I explained to the Dr. the unusual worries about her pupils ect and that she had asked me how people gas themselves in a car, how it is done? The Dr. asked her about her thoughts on suicide but Kylie very calmly replied, `I've thought about it but I'm too scared to do it'. The Dr. then gave her some mild anti-depressants to take and once they start to work I will send you to see a counsellor. That night Kylie was upset asking me if this was it? Will I be on tablets for the rest of my life? Is this the end of my life? I tried to comfort her and told her of course not, the doctor is on to it now and once things settle down you will feel more in balance and then we will go from their. My daughter told me she loves me, and thanked me and told me not to worry. The next morning my daughter was not in the house. After searching the neighbourhood I found my daughter, she had hung herself. My God, no second chance to change anything now. After which I walked into the clinic and told the receptionist to tell the doctors in future when teens come in with problems, to fix their emotional problems first and take them seriously, and found out later that the head Dr. in that clinic had nearly lost his daughter. I then heard from the other Dr. that she was unsure because of her calmness at the time and after hearing about Kylie, had talked to a psychologist who told her that when they are calm it means they have already made up their minds up to kill themselves. Now please don't get me wrong I am not totally blaming the Dr., but would you not think that the head Dr., having such an experience would make sure the other Dr. working under him would know the signs and if they could not help would send you to someone who could and stress the urgency, after all he did ring me later with a phone number to a really good psychologist to take my young grieving daughter to. Now if the other Dr. would have had this knowledge about the calmness, I would have known the importance of having 24 hour watch assigned by family until the medication had the time needed to help her, or if the Dr., knew of this urgent sign should have had her committed to suicide watch. I have been onto a few depression sites and feel very upset that they tell you to take your loved one to a doctor if you suspect depression. I know parents and teachers need education too, but how can depression sites give you this advice unless every doctor is educated to the signs of this terrible affliction. I am finding it very hard to live with myself at the moment, but unless you can read minds, you cannot possibly think on the same level as loved ones with depression, and as such they cannot help themselves because there are depressed. However the doctors are supposed to be educated of the signs and then do something about it, and not just for the signs of depression, but more importantly, for the urgent signs of intended suicide. Beyond blue have three different tests to take in which Kylies score would have been way over the score count for needed attention, yet neither of the two Doctors I took Kylie to had given her a single test. Why not? I mean this is not some new illness, as shown by www.whitewreath.com. By now every Doctor should know how to diagnose this tragic affliction. But we are still told to see a doctor if we suspect depression. God I am so crushed, it hurts too much every time I open my eyes the reality of losing my beautiful daughter hits me. I cannot believe I didn’t do something else or take her to a psychologist, I feel like I have really let her down, what happened? I keep taking that last walk with her in my mind wondering what was she thinking? was she scared?, did she think I would get their in time to stop her?, did she feel so unloved?, WHAT?. Please help get the message across how devastating and needless suicide is if simple education and help are in place. Julie (Tortured mother).

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A very sad but nessesary site, I have sent e-mail to you and will become a member when I can. Love and light, Julie.

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I am a mum with a 4 month old baby girl and a 13 yo boy. I honestly don't want to live anymore. I will NOT leave my 4 month old angel behind!!! I have pleaded and pleaded with my partner but it doesnt help. I have had 2 miscarriages in the time that I have been with him. I have no where to go since I have no family. .. Only GOD can help me and my baby now ....

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I attempted suicide 22 days ago, and have for a long time being dealing with the effects of depression. I have been able to relate a lot to the stories posted on this site and I am glad to see that there are organisations like this out there, informing the general public about mental illness/suicide.