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First, to Claire in San Francisco: I am a non PD person who put up with abuse for two years, just like Chris. I abandoned NOBODY. HE abandoned ME with HIS behavior. Second, to the good Doctor: THANK YOU. Truly. I saw SO MANY parallels in what was my two year relationship with my partner (we're gay too). I actually found myself laughing out loud at parts at not only the buffoonery of Terry, but of the buffoonery of my former partner too. Being able to laugh about the ridiculousness of some of the behavior REALLY helped me. A heart felt thanks.

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I hope this gives me insight to the mind of a BPD person. I have lived thru 16 years of put downs, controlled and being micromanaged without knowing the best way to proceed.

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I have BPD and i was in a relationship myslef it ended quite bad not all my faulti knew it was comming to an end anyway but i learned there is plenty of reasons to live and there is allways someone out there for you

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Thanks a lot for publishing this letter! I can see way to many similarities to my GFs behaviour. I have suspected the has BPD for a while now and we are seeing a psychologist, even though I doubt it will help much. I think it is time to move on and save myself even though, as you know, it hurts badly to put her on the street. She is quite good at sabotaging for herself. Cheers

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Gee, all this gushing about finding some validation and justification to abandon your SO, especially many of you who once promised til death do you part. When your dream girl or guy turns out to have a problem, vilify them and run! Chris did it and found everlasting happiness, so it must be okay for all the other delicate flowers out there, too. Kudos to the gentleman who has stood by his wife for 27 years - it is indeed something to be proud of.

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Looking forward to reading more... understanding is easier when following a compassionate expressive leader... thanks.

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Thank you for this - you have no idea how much this has helped me to understand why a relationship I had over 9 years ago now had been haunting me for so long. I read this and I can see so many parallels that for some passages I can almost imagine that I wrote them. As I read I could feel weight coming off my shoulders - the feelings of inadequacy from constant put downs (I was once woken up at 4am to be "shown" how to properly wind the cord around the blowdryer!) and the push/pull phenomenon that just sucks you in, all of these were something others had been through too. I actually lived in fear of my exBP showing up for several years - afraid of her manipulating or somehow ruining my new found happy life. The recovery from that relationship has been long, and maybe it isn't quite over but now I am in a healthy, happy relationship with a beautiful partner - we have just celebrated our 5 year anniversay and welcomed a son in to our lives. The difference is night and day and I hope that you have found the same - because having been through a similar situation, I know you deserve it!