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After years of feeling like I have been losing my mind, and after four years of contant misdiagnosing and overmedicating with the wrong drugs, I have recently found out that I have BPD. I used to dismiss the signs and symptoms, thinking that it didn't describe me, that I wasn't that type of person, that even at my worst I wasn't that mean. Now I realize that I am and was and always have been. Now I feel like a monster and I feel incredibly guilty and now I question every argument or disagreement with every person I have ever had. I always wondered why my list of enemies was so long, why I didn't trust anyone and would become depressed for day if I wasn't invited to a party or one of my friends decided to hang out with someone else one day instead of me. I have realized just how awful I have been to my boyfriend these past two years and how patient and loving he has been to me even though I have been a total monster, and I feel so guilty. I am disgusted with myself and my actions, and now I enter the arduous process of going through and reevaluating every single thing I have done, good or bad, and why I act the way I act over things of little to no consequence. I just want to say that even though I am new to understanding BPD, I AM remorseful and I feel immeasurable amounts of guilt for the pain I have caused. I don't know about other sufferers, but I do know that I recognize my faults now for what they are, and I truly am sorry.

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My wife has BPD and we've already divorced once due to her addiction issues. I didn't realize that she had BPD as well, and now I've rescued her again from the mess she made the six months we were divorced.

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