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It hurts me so much to read all the guests who say "thank god I'm out of the relationship." Did anyone continue the relationship understanding that the person was only unwell and didn't realize what they were doing. perhaps you should send them the story. it made me realize what I done to all my friends and now I feel so terrible and it makes me feel even more depressed. I suffer from BPD and some form of depression the doctor says its just depression but my counselor says it bi-polar. If it is bi-polar I experince more depression. I was in a 7 month relationship w/ a guy i truly loved but it didn't turn serious until 3months after met. it was actually me that ended it one night that i got extrememly depressed and wrote to him in an email after he got angry and wouldn't talk to me. I wrote that I was tired of being a burden on him and I just couldn't deal with it any more. then i told him how I had overdosed on sleeping pills. of course the next morning i was still alive just extremely fucked up. I regretted my decesion to break up with him but by that time it was too late. its been about 6months since the break up and weren't not friends b/c he told me it hurt too much to try to be friends. now i know why he doesn't want anything to do with me. and i'm so very sorry. i'm so afraid that i won't be able to control my habits. i'm not as bad as most bpds (at least I hope not) I think this because I'm so depressed at times. so i always felt i was a burden and worthless. but i kept pushing and pulling all my ex-friends. it's not fair to to feel the way you "normal" people do about the disordered ones. but i realize it's hard to understand. sorry this is so long but i appreciate that you've read this far.

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My 2 year year relationship with my bp just ended 3 weeks ago. I'm in the process of grief and healing. Your story helps in trying to find my way back to "me". I didn't know what bpd was until last fall, when I was desperatley looking for answers to my experience from her actions and behaviors. Talk about a "light bulb"!. It's very difficult not to take bp behavior personally to say the least. I still love her deeply. The ironic statement she said to me was that "SHE WAS TIRED OF THIS"! Sorry I carried on a bit, but thanks again for sharing your heart felt experience for "us" out here who are trying to find or make sense of the chaos and pain we are livind in, or trying to find our way back to "I". Tony V.

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I’ve been dealing with my bp (I suspect) for almost 3 years. I’m done. I can’t live with her anymore. She’s supposed to be moving this week (for the last 2 months). I hope it doesn’t get ugly. Thankfully I have the support of family and friends and now web sites like this.

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Thank you so much for your letter. I never knew about this disorder until I fell in love with someone who had it. Fortunately for me (since I am very sensitive and co-dependent) we only lasted 9 weeks. She ended it in a rather hurtful e-mail after I chose to cancel our next date to think things over a little. This was after a night in which she was the worst I had ever seen her. Had I known about this condition, the way I am, I would have stayed and stayed to help her. All the while my life would have been filled with grief. I could not believe how careless, demanding, jealous, angry and controlling she would be at times so early in our relationship (3 to 5 weeks). When everything was going so well, she would always find something wrong and be very sensitive to every little thing I said or did. I argued back at her which I should not have done (I never thought she might have been ill, etc.) and felt terrible when I cancelled the next date since she never talked to me again even though I called a few times apologizing, etc. I just knew something was either wrong with her or she did not like me. I always read her actions as she either did not like me or was just overly critical. My friend runs into her on occasion and she seems to be doing well and may have someone else in her life. I still feel strange over what happened two months later and whenever my friend sees her it makes me sad especially since she never brings me up and he gets to talk to her. But I guess that is the best thing that could have happened since I need some calm in my life since I am quite sensitive and caring. I miss her excitement, intelligence, our many common interests, insight, beauty and the "kind, loving side" of her. But I knew the emotional abuse would have gotten worse. My friend even said she told him once that she has some violent thoughts against some of the men that approach her at social events on occasion. Anyway, she is the one who finally ended our relationship and all I have to do is find a new woman who I can love and love me back and accept me for who I am. I started to hate myself and blamed myself for the end of our relationship. I never called her names or touched her but she ended up blaming me for everything which hurt. I think the real hurt was going to come in the future with her. I saw what my future would have been like with her. I saved myself a lot of grief and your letter and guestbook have really helped me begin to heal the pain I have felt for weeks. Thank you so much and best of luck in the future to everyone.