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Following our highly succeesful plea for players last week, (thank you Tricky & Les)we would like to thank mr Newby for jumping ship & leaving the club/Stiffs in the cart again.At the moment we have 7 players inc. our two new propects which I have already named.So if there are any budding Mark Surtees' or Richard Smith's,please call. Come back Steve Pick all is for...F!8k we're not that desperate.

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Can he join your cricket team ???.

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Now look here George Harris. Any more comments and I will turn that Vacuum back on !!. (Sorry lads private joke but George knows !!). I hope you critics are quick with the praise this week when I skittle Clifton and the Bluto bloke. Please Note:- I was not in Paris yesterday and I have got witnesses. I did not go for any sixes on Saturday and everything was along the floor. All damage claims for any property over 6 inches is flatly declined.

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Oh dear, a quality player deserts, never mind maybe George Harris and Mavis can get a game

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I'm glad that nasty Mr Newby has cleared off - good riddance to bad rubbish I say. I have never got over him calling me a muppet. Lots of love, Mave XX

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I am shocked and dismayed to read reports of Scooby's departure to pastures greener !!! I can only hope this is a cruelhoax generated by the 'Gutter Press' ?!? A loyal servant of our beloved club who I admit may have ruffled a few feathers in his time, but hey, who hasn't ?!? If someone (no, not you Bally - my lawyer will be in touch shortly re: libellous allegations on previous page) could please assure The London Branch that these reports are mere fiction then 'we' will all sleep a little better tonight. PS George - don't worry about being in bed by 6.30pm - I don't think either team have finished later than 5.30pm ALL season - YOU TOSSERS !!!!

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Rob can I please have a game, my dad say's I can play as long as I can be in bed at 6.30pm. ps can you let my dad know when Bally is bowling at the rec so he can put steel plates on our windows........

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Good Morning this is your captain speaking - can all low flying aircraft please keep out the vicinity of Keyworth Rectory Field on Saturday whilst The Ginger Wizzard is bowling, to avoid structural damage. Bally you weren't bowling in Paris this afternoon were you??????

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***NEWSFLASH***NEWSFLASH***NEWSFLASH*** Cotgrave snap up Newby on a bosman !!. Now that the ageing medium paced bowler from Cotgrave has finally found his level Keyworth have decided to let him go on a free transfer. We wanted a straight swap for the fat wicketkeeper but Cotgrave said he was too indespensible to the club. This brings and end to the glittering career that has offended so many opposing players, umpirers and scorers !!. Keyworth wish Tony well for the future and will probably see him in a couple of years in 1g. Now time for a real bowler to take his place. (Bring in that Ginger Donkey from his pasture and let him rip down the hill again). Club captain Rob Baker had this to say about Tony's mid season departure "He's a cunk". Ken Barlow

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Can Richard Drury please stop sending out duff tips on this nag. It would appear to run slower than him. Perhaps they should try the horse out over 22 yards, and Drury over 5 furlongs ??