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Hello folks, I have just arrived back from my winter break in South Africa & come back to dolly throwing, drunken keepers & expanding waistlines(Dafty & Mr Chairman - must be all the coffee cake, Mrs Daft makes!!!!!!!

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Can anyone tell me how we got on , on Saturday 'cause I got remember a bloody thing !!!!!! Hic! burp!, Slurp !

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Trying to sign Stanley Collymore, apparently he was seen in the left hand changing room yesterday teatime, please phone Peterborough Police Station if any further sightings.

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Dear All. Further to my husband's display of utter childish behaviour, I feel it is my duty to inform you that he has been duly punished. He was accompanied to Mothercare this morning and has purchased a new set of toys that have elastic attachments. This will mean that any future pram incidents will result in immediate return of toys and strop over. Love Jude

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After looking at ways in which we could bring new ideas to this years show, it has been decided that Richard Drury's pad wanging competition would be a great new event. Some early contenders for the prize include Drurs himself, young Kitchenson and that nice lad from Stoke Bardolph Vickery, who has been installed as favourite after hurling his bat over a pavillion some years ago.

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Drurs as official Kit Manager I must just check that they were not club pads damaged in yesterdays incident. After considering a suitable punishment I have decided to lift a 1 week ban on using club kit, as I undestand you may have sworn at the skipper. As this is something most of the team have wanted to do for a long time, the ban is overturned. Is the wall OK ?.

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For Sale: Full set of Cricket equipment, slight dint in pads due to collision with wall, hardly used this season. If you are interested please send me an e-mail because I am not talking to anyone....

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The man of few words delivered - then got run out ! But at least a few of us got up the batting order. If he does the same to Capt Bob we might even get a bowl !!

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You cant raise two teams and people are refusing to bat for the first team - What a disgrace.

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Rumour has it Inzaman Ul Wright was once again causing trouble in Keyworth on a Saturday afternoon. A few choice words and we have a strike in the team. My mate PC Plod found a dummy up near Nottingham Road - anyone who lost one please leave a note in the Station letterbox...........

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Dennis has found time to nip out his sandpit and apologise for all the Eastwood deletions. Fair play to him, he's gone right up in my estimations, just lay off the swearing Bally!!!!!